somewhere between the dream world, heaven, and our meeting place...

I have been dreaming of this same place.. over and over and over. Each time I dream about this place I add something to the detail of this place and remember it the next dream. It seems I've been dreaming about this place right before I wake up most mornings so maybe it's when I'm in the lightest part of REM or maybe half awake.. not exactly sure but let me explain this place.

First I'm in a huge flat piece of land. The sun is warm, the breeze is warm, the sky is perfect blue, there are trees sporatically placed. I think I'm walking through a field but there isn't grass at my feet only around the boarders of this area. Possibly an old farming field??? I'm always walking towards this steep grassy hill that resembles a grassy hill that used to take me to a retention pond at the end of my street growing up. Once you get to the top of the hill you could walk around the oval "bowl" or go down to the creeks edge. In the winters this was the most perfect place to sled because there were areas that were SUPER STEEP and others that were very gradual and the pond always froze over fast and you could sled out on top of the ice.

The first time I had a dream about this place I realized I was there with my grandma, but she wasn't there but I felt her all around me. The first dream there was no pond/water at the bottom of the bowl which I didn't realize until the next few dreams. The next dream I brought these wire/metal butterfly shapes for a project. I stuck them in the round in specific places. The next time I came back someone had planted little flowers in straight lines around the metal butterfly shapes I had stuck in the ground. One of the flowers there was Lilly of the Valley. Butterflys, Lilly of the Valley and about 4 songs represent my grandmother to me. Okay so I had this same dream today, this morning actually, and now someone has built little ponds in 4 separate rectangles around the plants and the metal butterfly shapes I had brought. It's like japanese garden style, very perfect, and I can hear water running as if there is a pump moving the water from one pond to the next.

Each time I walk through the field, then up the hill, then down into the bowl and around, back up the hill and I end the dream in the field. This morning I actually woke up mid dream and went back into it. It makes me wonder if that is when my grandma is with me watching me dream? are we meeting there? is it "her heaven"? is this my heaven? will I ever see her there or always just feel she is there?

This is just very surreal to me that I keep having this continuing dream. I've had dreams like this before where I dream the same thing over and over and it's like deja vu but now I'm adding things to the dream. So strange.

wake me October ends..

FORGET SEPTEMBER! lol! its' been a hectic few weeks for us.. Tim lost his job on the 5th so yes we are both unemployed right now.. not fun for sure. He's been trying to get a new job as fast as possible. He's been doing pretty well for himself having several interviews each week. At least he's getting out there.

Other than that we've been keeping busy doing various things around the house, visiting with neighbors/friends/family, taking care of odds and ends.. it just amazes me that so much time has gone by and I haven't gotten any of the things I had planned on getting done out of the way. It's amazing to me how fast the days go when I don't have a schedule. There is always something to be taken care of, something that needs to be done by today/tomorrow.

My 32nd birthday is this week! lol! going to Texas De Brazil with my family for dinner on Wednesday. yummooo!

Other than that I don't have much to talk about, sorry!

Dylan started HIGH SCHOOL

yup.. it's true.. he's finished exactly 1 full week of high school. it's totally amazing to me, it makes me feel old, and all at the same time.. it makes sense to me. it stinks he started school so early because we had to plan everything around his early starting school year.. oh well.. such is life. In 4 years I'll be talking about him starting his life, going to college or whatever he may choose to do.. for now he's a freshman in high school and has all his high school days in front of him! god speed mr Dylan. (his voice is changing too!)

Dan is leaving for Afghanistan as well.. Mike has been gone for a month or so.. Had a small party to see Dan off last night.. it was good to see him.

Still not back at work.. should be the end of this month or sometime next month.

Amy is on the mend.. she's walking and using her arms but the right side of her face is just not coming back. Tim was asked to be the god father! :)

Not much else to talk about!

what my friends are teaching me about life and death

I have several cases, instances where disease has hit home to people who are like family to me.. days turn to months in hospitals, rehabs, dr offices... mis diagnoisis, immediate diagnoisis.. which is more devastating? finding out now or later.. getting a death sentence or being told you will live with disability for the rest of your life.. being told any day is your day.. telling your kids, your spouse, your parents, your aunts uncles and cousins.. your close friends.. neighbors, co workers.. how will they react.. how will you react???

diseases and syndroms that nobody has ever heard about but then once you do just a little internet digging you find.. it's not that rare at all.. in fact... a baby born every 30 minutes will have one of the hundreds of forms of Lysosmal Disease.. a death sentence. it could be months or years for each child.. it's genetic, both parents must have the gene.. meaning how could we have been so unlucky to meet, fall in love, make babies and pass this horrible illness this fate to our child?? why..

forms of Musclar Dystrophy are the same.. one in particular Friedreich's Ataxia lets a child live a normal life.. they can remember running, jumping, playing.. then one day their balance isn't so good.. they fall, they are weak.. and depending on the person they are eventually wheelchair bound...

Gillian Barre Syndrom 1 in 1,000... you can get it from a immunization, an operation, having a weak immune system, and now I'm seeing some people who swear there could be some genetics involved.. both a mother and a daughter could both wind up with GBS.. another syndrom that strikes without warning.. misdiagnosis, lots of tests and within that time the patient just gets weaker.. to the point that their heart or lungs could stop working all together. Paralyzed they can not blink, chew their food, smile, move their arms or legs. Most will have lasting effects for the rest of their lives and worse it can come back once you've had it..

Ehlers-Danlos.. okay I've only heard of one person with this syndrom that I know.. but he has been hospitalized now for months, was actually in a medically induced coma because his body needed time to heal. Woke up one night not feeling well, went to the ER they sent him home, by morning the ambulance had to be called because his gut was filled with blood. This syndrom is genetic, there are believed to be 6 different types, basically it weakens collegan that also normally plays a role in binding together the cells of our tissues including the skin, tendons, muscle, and blood vessels. So basically you could be bleeding out inside your body and have no idea..

of course.. more common disease cancer.. all types.. all over the place.. so many people I know have been touched by every cancer you can name.. both my parents have had cancer at one time in their lives.. both in their 30's.. I'm 31.. tick tock tick tock... so many out there yet to be diagnosed.. so many diseases and syndroms that most people don't ever hear about or learn about until someone they love is effected.. until that persons life is taken from them..

30 and healthy as a horse, a new born daughter and 2 year old son.. a house with a picket fence, the dog and the great husband too.. it was the day that should have started their lives with everything they wanted.. and yes she lives, and yes she will improve physically.. but she won't move forward in life without each step being a privlege to her, each breath knowing that she was tested, she'll win.. she's got the motiviation.. and I'll ask her the next time I see "what am I taking for granted?? Tell me now so I can take them in" from going to the bathroom myself to walking my dog.. it's all being taken advantage of every day.. is this a sign? the center of the storm? I've had the worst happen to my closest family and friends and I still live the way I do.. should I be more thankful? should I be doing something else with my life. I'm not saying I live horribly or don't live life.. but it makes you stop and think.. and sometimes I have to think "what is next" because it seems just when I thought I've seen, heard, and lived it all.. I'm thrown another curve ball.. and I wonder am I being tested too??

FREE TABLE TAKE IT

FREE TABLE TAKE IT, is what the table read sitting on the cub on a street that I rarely walk my dog down.. for some reason last night he wanted to walk around the block instead of on the path.. whatever little man it's your walk.. let's go. My husband was gone for the night at a impromtu bachelor bbq party, I had just gotten back from biking up to Crystal Lake to get some ice cream. The sun was setting, the air was cooling.. it was a great time for a walk.. not to mention the hottie construction type guy fishing on my lake within sight of my back door.. so we walked around and I come upon this table. It actually made me laugh out loud because I had been yelling at Tim all day to "go borrow a table" for my sons graduation dinner party tonight.

I laughed because it's strange, I've heard time and time again that sometimes things you need just come to you exactly when you need them.. even dumb things you could have easily borrowed from another neighbor. For me the past few months I've experienced this for myself over and over.

For example, Tim and I needed just additional "spending money" for necessities.. gas/food in order to pay off our debt in full.. I kept crunching the numbers and no matter how I played it I figured we would have to wait at least another 10 days for another paycheck to come in so we could afford to live. We went out to dinner with Tim's parents and there they were... Handed across the table as if to say "this is what you've been waiting for" although Tim's parents had no clue what they were worth to us until the following morning when I called his mom SHRIEKING because we paid off our debt. When his dad handed them to us he actually said "maybe this will bump you up 6 hours" with a chuckle.

The savings bonds face worth $25 and $50 respectively wound up being worth over $400! Now that is some spending cash! Tim did not even want to turn them in, but he did in the name of getting rid of the debt we had accumulated together.

So there it is.. proof to myself once again that sometimes you just have to stop and wait, it will come to you.. no matter what the situation there is a way out.